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Cool Family Meals images

August 1, 2015 · Posted in Family Meals · Comment 

A few nice family meals images I found:

Thanksgiving 2012 121122 054
family meals

Image by photofarmer
Family

The Fam at Dragos
family meals

Image by johnprieur
Amazing dinner at Dragos Seafood Restaurant in Metairie.

Nice Family Meals photos

June 25, 2014 · Posted in Family Meals · Comment 

Some cool family meals images:

Lynch at Family and MWR Command SOS Training Conference, U.S. Army, 100808
family meals

Image by familymwr
PHOTO CAPTION: IMCOM Sarah Lynch stands with her husband Commanding General Lt. Gen. Lynch Rick Lynch as he speaks at the Survivor Outreach Services Annual Training Conference in August. (Photo by Rob McIlvaine, FMWRC Public Affairs, cleared for public release, not for commercial use, attribution requested.)
www.armymwr.com
SOS training conference shares best practices with global staff and partners

By Rob McIlvaine
FMWRC Public Affairs

ARLINGTON, Va. – Over 300 Survivor Outreach Services representatives from the Active Army, Reserves and National Guard converged on the nation’s capitol for their annual training during the second week of August.

The conference hosted team building opportunities so the Active Army, Army National Guard, Reserves, Casualty Assistance Centers’ staffs and SOS teams could share best practices with each other.

It also provided an opportunity for non-government organizations to meet SOS staff and provide insight on their work with survivors.

According to Donna Engeman, FMWRC SOS program manager, SOS is one of the Army Chief of Staff Gen. George W. Casey’s top priorities. Casey, who lost his father in Vietnam, developed the idea for a better support system for survivors of fallen service members in late 2006.

“Because taking care of survivors is one of Gen. Casey’s top priorities, it’s imperative that we have the right people in the SOS positions in the field. We also need to give them the best training, tools and resources possible in order for them to care for survivors,” Engeman said.

One of those tools introduced at this conference was a draft of the SOS Operations Manual.

“The Operations Manual provides guidance, sort of a standard operating procedure. Another purpose of the training was to update our team members on the latest changes in entitlements, policies and regulations regarding survivors,” Engeman said.

At the conference, Fort Hood’s SOS team and center were given the spotlight to tell their story and share what they’ve learned since their program became official in May, 2009.

Through the efforts of Lt. Gen. Lynch, who began growing and evolving survivor outreach while serving as III Corps and Fort Hood commander, was later tapped to be IMCOM commanding general by Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey,

“SOS is the most important program the Army has and the Fort Hood SOS program center is what ‘right looks like,’” Lynch told the gathered SOS representatives.

“We’re going to fully fund this program, and we’re going to increase output at a reduced cost. And you’re going to tell me if we’re doing the right thing for our Families of the fallen because it worries me to death that there might be one Family out there who fear they’ve been forgotten,” Lynch said.

But the Army can’t do it alone.

At the training, Lynch mentioned that volunteers, local businesses and nonprofits are ready, willing and available right outside the gate.

“The community wants to help. Private organizations want to help. We have to give them the opportunity to help. They know they enjoy freedom because of the sacrifices paid by Gold Star Families and they want to give back as much as they can,” Lynch said.

After Lynch secured a building large enough to allow expansion of Fort Hood’s SOS program, garrison funds only went so far.

Newly appointed SOS Program Manager Janeth Lopez immediately went out into the community to create program awareness. Soon after, furniture and appliances were donated, a Family room was improved and the adjoining kitchen took on a Family atmosphere.

“But when you go out to make presentations,” Fort Hood SOS Support Coordinator Connie McDonald said, “You won’t have to tell what you need. You’ll be asked, ‘what do you need,’ and ‘how can I help?’” McDonald said.

“Think about offering the possibility of sponsoring a meal if having a Family day or planting a tree of remembrance during an annual Family gathering, but be aware of your installation and its assets, such as trees needing lots of water. And know the regulations on what to tell people who want to donate,” McDonald said.

During August of last year, the Fort Hood SOS expanded into a larger facility that provided room for a growing staff and range of programs. This expansion also allowed for the creation of the Hall of Remembrance dedicated to the fallen heroes.

Survivors were asked to bring in or send an 8”x10” photo or artist’s rendering of their loved one to be framed and placed on the wall with a metal plaque.

McDonald provided information and guidance to the conference participants on how to manage a Hall of Remembrance, including tips from participants in focus groups such as “please don’t place the photo on the wall at a height that causes someone to look down.”

In fact, one of the “best practices” shared at the conference was the recommendation to use focus groups to ensure SOS programs are meeting the needs of the survivors.

“Some of the garrisons may have focus groups organized in order to receive survivor feedback on issues they face. At the Department of the Army level, we have the CSA’s Survivor Working Group which provides advice and comments on the SOS program,” Engeman said.

Another best practice shared is the creation of a record of fallen soldiers at the unit level.
“This register goes with the colors at the change of command ceremony and signifies that the fallen will forever be assigned to this command and the Families will continue to be part of this unit,” McDonald said.

“You are all advocates for our Soldiers and survivors. Make senior leaders realize that all of our Soldiers will be remembered for how they chose to live, not how they died,” McDonald said.

For more information, visit Army OneSource at www.myarmyonesource.com/familyprogramsandservices/familyp…

Connect with us:
www.Facebook.com/FamilyMWR
www.Twitter.com/FamilyMWR
www.YouTube.com/FamilyMWR

Lynch at Family and MWR Command SOS Training Conference, U.S. Army, 100808
family meals

Image by familymwr
PHOTO CAPTION: Sarah Lynch stands with her husband IMCOM Commanding General Lt. Gen. Lynch Rick Lynch as he speaks at the Survivor Outreach Services Annual Training Conference in August. (Photo by Rob McIlvaine, FMWRC Public Affairs, cleared for public release, not for commercial use, attribution requested.)
www.armymwr.com
SOS training conference shares best practices with global staff and partners

By Rob McIlvaine
FMWRC Public Affairs

ARLINGTON, Va. – Over 300 Survivor Outreach Services representatives from the Active Army, Reserves and National Guard converged on the nation’s capitol for their annual training during the second week of August.

The conference hosted team building opportunities so the Active Army, Army National Guard, Reserves, Casualty Assistance Centers’ staffs and SOS teams could share best practices with each other.

It also provided an opportunity for non-government organizations to meet SOS staff and provide insight on their work with survivors.

According to Donna Engeman, FMWRC SOS program manager, SOS is one of the Army Chief of Staff Gen. George W. Casey’s top priorities. Casey, who lost his father in Vietnam, developed the idea for a better support system for survivors of fallen service members in late 2006.

“Because taking care of survivors is one of Gen. Casey’s top priorities, it’s imperative that we have the right people in the SOS positions in the field. We also need to give them the best training, tools and resources possible in order for them to care for survivors,” Engeman said.

One of those tools introduced at this conference was a draft of the SOS Operations Manual.

“The Operations Manual provides guidance, sort of a standard operating procedure. Another purpose of the training was to update our team members on the latest changes in entitlements, policies and regulations regarding survivors,” Engeman said.

At the conference, Fort Hood’s SOS team and center were given the spotlight to tell their story and share what they’ve learned since their program became official in May, 2009.

Through the efforts of Lt. Gen. Lynch, who began growing and evolving survivor outreach while serving as III Corps and Fort Hood commander, was later tapped to be IMCOM commanding general by Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey,

“SOS is the most important program the Army has and the Fort Hood SOS program center is what ‘right looks like,’” Lynch told the gathered SOS representatives.

“We’re going to fully fund this program, and we’re going to increase output at a reduced cost. And you’re going to tell me if we’re doing the right thing for our Families of the fallen because it worries me to death that there might be one Family out there who fear they’ve been forgotten,” Lynch said.

But the Army can’t do it alone.

At the training, Lynch mentioned that volunteers, local businesses and nonprofits are ready, willing and available right outside the gate.

“The community wants to help. Private organizations want to help. We have to give them the opportunity to help. They know they enjoy freedom because of the sacrifices paid by Gold Star Families and they want to give back as much as they can,” Lynch said.

After Lynch secured a building large enough to allow expansion of Fort Hood’s SOS program, garrison funds only went so far.

Newly appointed SOS Program Manager Janeth Lopez immediately went out into the community to create program awareness. Soon after, furniture and appliances were donated, a Family room was improved and the adjoining kitchen took on a Family atmosphere.

“But when you go out to make presentations,” Fort Hood SOS Support Coordinator Connie McDonald said, “You won’t have to tell what you need. You’ll be asked, ‘what do you need,’ and ‘how can I help?’” McDonald said.

“Think about offering the possibility of sponsoring a meal if having a Family day or planting a tree of remembrance during an annual Family gathering, but be aware of your installation and its assets, such as trees needing lots of water. And know the regulations on what to tell people who want to donate,” McDonald said.

During August of last year, the Fort Hood SOS expanded into a larger facility that provided room for a growing staff and range of programs. This expansion also allowed for the creation of the Hall of Remembrance dedicated to the fallen heroes.

Survivors were asked to bring in or send an 8”x10” photo or artist’s rendering of their loved one to be framed and placed on the wall with a metal plaque.

McDonald provided information and guidance to the conference participants on how to manage a Hall of Remembrance, including tips from participants in focus groups such as “please don’t place the photo on the wall at a height that causes someone to look down.”

In fact, one of the “best practices” shared at the conference was the recommendation to use focus groups to ensure SOS programs are meeting the needs of the survivors.

“Some of the garrisons may have focus groups organized in order to receive survivor feedback on issues they face. At the Department of the Army level, we have the CSA’s Survivor Working Group which provides advice and comments on the SOS program,” Engeman said.

Another best practice shared is the creation of a record of fallen soldiers at the unit level.
“This register goes with the colors at the change of command ceremony and signifies that the fallen will forever be assigned to this command and the Families will continue to be part of this unit,” McDonald said.

“You are all advocates for our Soldiers and survivors. Make senior leaders realize that all of our Soldiers will be remembered for how they chose to live, not how they died,” McDonald said.

For more information, visit Army OneSource at www.myarmyonesource.com/familyprogramsandservices/familyp…

Connect with us:
www.Facebook.com/FamilyMWR
www.Twitter.com/FamilyMWR
www.YouTube.com/FamilyMWR

Lynch at Family and MWR Command SOS Training Conference, U.S. Army, 100808
family meals

Image by familymwr
PHOTO CAPTION: IMCOM Commanding General Lt. Gen. Lynch Rick Lynch speaks at the Survivor Outreach Services Annual Training Conference in August. (Photo by Rob McIlvaine, FMWRC Public Affairs, cleared for public release, not for commercial use, attribution requested.)
www.armymwr.com
SOS training conference shares best practices with global staff and partners

By Rob McIlvaine
FMWRC Public Affairs

ARLINGTON, Va. – Over 300 Survivor Outreach Services representatives from the Active Army, Reserves and National Guard converged on the nation’s capitol for their annual training during the second week of August.

The conference hosted team building opportunities so the Active Army, Army National Guard, Reserves, Casualty Assistance Centers’ staffs and SOS teams could share best practices with each other.

It also provided an opportunity for non-government organizations to meet SOS staff and provide insight on their work with survivors.

According to Donna Engeman, FMWRC SOS program manager, SOS is one of the Army Chief of Staff Gen. George W. Casey’s top priorities. Casey, who lost his father in Vietnam, developed the idea for a better support system for survivors of fallen service members in late 2006.

“Because taking care of survivors is one of Gen. Casey’s top priorities, it’s imperative that we have the right people in the SOS positions in the field. We also need to give them the best training, tools and resources possible in order for them to care for survivors,” Engeman said.

One of those tools introduced at this conference was a draft of the SOS Operations Manual.

“The Operations Manual provides guidance, sort of a standard operating procedure. Another purpose of the training was to update our team members on the latest changes in entitlements, policies and regulations regarding survivors,” Engeman said.

At the conference, Fort Hood’s SOS team and center were given the spotlight to tell their story and share what they’ve learned since their program became official in May, 2009.

Through the efforts of Lt. Gen. Lynch, who began growing and evolving survivor outreach while serving as III Corps and Fort Hood commander, was later tapped to be IMCOM commanding general by Army Chief of Staff Gen. George Casey,

“SOS is the most important program the Army has and the Fort Hood SOS program center is what ‘right looks like,’” Lynch told the gathered SOS representatives.

“We’re going to fully fund this program, and we’re going to increase output at a reduced cost. And you’re going to tell me if we’re doing the right thing for our Families of the fallen because it worries me to death that there might be one Family out there who fear they’ve been forgotten,” Lynch said.

But the Army can’t do it alone.

At the training, Lynch mentioned that volunteers, local businesses and nonprofits are ready, willing and available right outside the gate.

“The community wants to help. Private organizations want to help. We have to give them the opportunity to help. They know they enjoy freedom because of the sacrifices paid by Gold Star Families and they want to give back as much as they can,” Lynch said.

After Lynch secured a building large enough to allow expansion of Fort Hood’s SOS program, garrison funds only went so far.

Newly appointed SOS Program Manager Janeth Lopez immediately went out into the community to create program awareness. Soon after, furniture and appliances were donated, a Family room was improved and the adjoining kitchen took on a Family atmosphere.

“But when you go out to make presentations,” Fort Hood SOS Support Coordinator Connie McDonald said, “You won’t have to tell what you need. You’ll be asked, ‘what do you need,’ and ‘how can I help?’” McDonald said.

“Think about offering the possibility of sponsoring a meal if having a Family day or planting a tree of remembrance during an annual Family gathering, but be aware of your installation and its assets, such as trees needing lots of water. And know the regulations on what to tell people who want to donate,” McDonald said.

During August of last year, the Fort Hood SOS expanded into a larger facility that provided room for a growing staff and range of programs. This expansion also allowed for the creation of the Hall of Remembrance dedicated to the fallen heroes.

Survivors were asked to bring in or send an 8”x10” photo or artist’s rendering of their loved one to be framed and placed on the wall with a metal plaque.

McDonald provided information and guidance to the conference participants on how to manage a Hall of Remembrance, including tips from participants in focus groups such as “please don’t place the photo on the wall at a height that causes someone to look down.”

In fact, one of the “best practices” shared at the conference was the recommendation to use focus groups to ensure SOS programs are meeting the needs of the survivors.

“Some of the garrisons may have focus groups organized in order to receive survivor feedback on issues they face. At the Department of the Army level, we have the CSA’s Survivor Working Group which provides advice and comments on the SOS program,” Engeman said.

Another best practice shared is the creation of a record of fallen soldiers at the unit level.
“This register goes with the colors at the change of command ceremony and signifies that the fallen will forever be assigned to this command and the Families will continue to be part of this unit,” McDonald said.

“You are all advocates for our Soldiers and survivors. Make senior leaders realize that all of our Soldiers will be remembered for how they chose to live, not how they died,” McDonald said.

For more information, visit Army OneSource at www.myarmyonesource.com/familyprogramsandservices/familyp…

Connect with us:
www.Facebook.com/FamilyMWR
www.Twitter.com/FamilyMWR
www.YouTube.com/FamilyMWR

Cool Family Meals images

June 16, 2014 · Posted in Family Meals · Comment 

Some cool family meals images:

Nags Head 2012 Memoirs 166 – My Racing Crew
family meals

Image by Counselman Collection
Our son and daughter-in-law chose this location for this year’s spring trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina, putting us right on the ocean front beach. It was a great location right beside Jeanette’s Pier, and the weather was so sunny. There were some windy days that made the waves all that much better. Besides our family from Ohio, we had friends visiting from several Congregations neighboring ours, plus a family that drove from mid-Texas and another from Indiana. As usual, we took turns making meals and it was a great experience with everyone fellowshipping and working together peacefully. Yes, I had one conference call with World Headquarters I did not want to miss, but it was still total relaxation. I tried to go a whole day without touching a camera, but then I got the shakes, and I just had to grab a camera and start snapping again; when you are hooked, you are hooked. To see photos from our past visits to Nags Head see the set of photos in our Travel Collection called Nags Head Memoirs; they are all dated.
www.flickr.com/photos/counselman/sets/1707339/

Heidi at Nikki Birthday Meal
family meals

Image by rjjm
DCFC0021.JPG

Nice Family Meals photos

April 29, 2014 · Posted in Family Meals · Comment 

Check out these family meals images:

Paul Inspects the Menu
family meals

Image by Wootang01
With my friend Paul, I spend five days in Osaka, Japan. The trip provided much refreshment, and excitement, not to mention many challenges. It was my first visit to the country, and, I feel, it certainly won’t be my last, as there are still many places left to see, and so many new things to learn.

We had several destinations highlighted on our itinerary, the foremost of which was Universal Studios. We spend an entire day there, going on rides and more often than not, queuing for them. The excruciating wait times were worth it, however, for such exhilarating fun, especially on the Hollywood Roller Coaster, my personal favorite. The next morning we followed up that successful endeavor with a trip to the Himeji Castle, a place which came highly recommended by my colleague, whose succinct description of the heritage site was, "awesome." Indeed, as a history buff, I enjoyed walking the storied grounds and climbing through the maze-like interior of the keep which was designed not so much to comfortably house the royal family as to confound the invading enemy. The castle is a must-visit. Other attractions of note include the Osaka Aquarium, and the Tennoji Zoo; both teemed with animals of every shape and size. We also at length ventured into several shopping districts inside of which were myriad stores, selling all sorts of fashion and gadgetry, countless restaurants and several gambling parlors – the Japanese, it seems, love their slot machines as much as the Hong Kong Chinese love their horse racing. Lest I forget, we frequented several video arcades to play the latest and greatest games; Paul played well, while I more often than not got 0wn3d. There is a lot to do in Japan.

Japanese culture, of which I’ve heard so much, really is distinct and separate from other Asian cultures. Their patterns of action and their peculiar artifacts certainly aren’t the same as those which feature prominently in Hong Kong. For one thing, the MTR culture was more civilized and less stressful: people queued up for trains and let passengers alight first before permitting themselves to board; cellphones never rang and cabin cars were as quiet as bedrooms at midnight; and to imagine all of these people enforce their norms without public service announcements, without any coddling, conspicuous signs – that’s amazing. What proved difficult was trying to find a garbage can. It was easier to find a vending machine, from which one could purchase a variety of drinks or cigarettes, than a bin in which to dispose of these delectable, perishable goods.

As for the general citizenry, they were most accommodating and hospitable, with several individuals going out of their way to help Paul and I find our way around the dense sprawl of the city. Language wasn’t a concern despite our limited Japanese; amazingly enough, our comfort was their concern! I won’t forget their selfless service, as one day, I hope, I’ll be able to return the favor. That the girls were quite attractive and that I demonstrated a propensity to ask attractive girls for directions go without saying; however, I understand now that their sexiness and sophistication stem not from comely faces but coherent attire. Rather than adorn themselves like a typical Mong Kok girl in a ridiculous neon rainbow palette, with jeans or unseemly spandex underneath dresses, skirts or other tops better left to stand alone, Japanese girls opt for more somber, sensible colors – black and cream-colored – and what’s more, they aren’t afraid to whip out the tasteful pantyhose or to show some skin, even. We had plenty of time to ogle the ladies, and to their credit, freezing temperatures weren’t enough to dissuade many of them from forsaking, icing their shorts, as we saw countless pairs being worn on the street. That’s what I call fashion professionalism!

Overall, Japan is a marvelous little land full of the eccentric, as well as the endearing. It was a fascinating place to explore, and I’m thankful that it was done in the company of my friend , with whom candor was not at a premium. We both learned a lot and look forward to the next trip!

Meal
family meals

Image by Scuddr

Luncheon, commonly abbreviated to lunch, is a midday meal.
family meals

Image by Yarden Sachs
Family denotes a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity or co-residence.

Nice Family Meals photos

April 27, 2014 · Posted in Family Meals · Comment 

Some cool family meals images:

20100804 1922 – Cape Cod – Lobster Bake – Allison, Margaretha – (by Vicky) – 4867582933_7ffdd2ec2b o
family meals

Image by Rev. Xanatos Satanicos Bombasticos (ClintJCL)
Allison, Margaretha.
leaning, sitting, smiling.

Beach House Cafe, Chatham Bars Inn, restaurant, Chatham, Cape Cod, Massachusetts.

August 4, 2010.
Pic by Vicky.
Originally posted at flickr.com/photo.gne?id=4867582933

… Read my blog at ClintJCL.wordpress.com

Margaretha Sawyer is Carolyn’s grandmother (Carolyn’s dad‘s mom).
… Read Vicky’s blog at tgaw.wordpress.com/
… View Vicky’s photos at www.flickr.com/photos/tgaw/

BACKSTORY: Carolyn’s family reunion was at Cape Cod this year. We stayed at the Chatham Bars Inn. It was a lot of fun, and we were happy to see everyone.

For Vicky’s recount of the trip, visit: tgaw.wordpress.com/2010/08/11/cape-cod-day-1/

National Geographic Magazine (1948) … My 16-year-old daughter wants to get her driver’s license! ….item 2.. Help! My family makes me explode with anger. — Please give me some advice! (February 10, 2012 / 17 Shevat 5772) …
family meals

Image by marsmet542
I think we cripple our kids when we hold them back from the reasonable experiences of their peers due to our anxiety. Each step of our children’s independence is difficult for us. It means they are growing up – and away from us. Almost nothing marks that more dramatically than getting a driver’s license and the “freedom” it provides. We have to give them appropriate guidelines (it’s not you we don’t trust, it’s the other guy) and rules, lessons and cautions – and lots of practice. And then we have to let go and recognize that just like everything else, this too is in the Almighty’s hands.

…..item 1)……aish.com….Teenage Driver…Help! My 16-year-old daughter wants to get her driver’s license! Am I being too overprotective?

October 3, 2011 / 5 Tishrei 5772

by Emuna Braverman

www.aish.com/ci/de/Dear_Emuna_Teenage_Driver.html

Dear Emuna,

My daughter just turned 16 and she really wants to get her driver’s license. She is constantly whining about it and complains that we are overprotective. She says that “all the other parents let.” Should be just give in? Is she right?

– Parents of Teenagers

Dear POT,

I think there are at least two separate issues here. One is the oft-repeated expression, “All the other parents let.” If I had a dollar for every time an adolescent said that…It is almost never true and is almost always a tool for manipulation. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be flexible. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to reasonable arguments. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t evaluate the seriousness of the situation (I have changed my mind and given in to many a sleepover request when it turns out that the other parents do in fact “let”.)

The specific issue at stake is driving. I’ve always been in favor of raising the driving age until I heard some recent study results. Apparently in states where the legal driving age is now 18 instead of 16, there are few accidents among 16-year-olds – for obvious reasons. But guess what has increased? That’s right, the number of accidents in the 18-year-old category. There is no question that driving is risky – and traumatic for the parents. But it is a risk the world accepts. It is part of growing up. It is part of creating adults from children.

I think we cripple our kids when we hold them back from the reasonable experiences of their peers due to our anxiety. Each step of our children’s independence is difficult for us. It means they are growing up – and away from us. Almost nothing marks that more dramatically than getting a driver’s license and the “freedom” it provides. We have to give them appropriate guidelines (it’s not you we don’t trust, it’s the other guy) and rules, lessons and cautions – and lots of practice. And then we have to let go and recognize that just like everything else, this too is in the Almighty’s hands.

– Emuna
.
.
Dear Emuna,

My husband and I have a very good marriage. We can talk about anything and we enjoy each other’s company. Our parenting styles are even in sync. There is only one issue that can sometimes be a source of conflict. My husband is outgoing and gregarious. He loves a big party and a “happening” scene. I am more introverted. I don’t enjoy the noise and commotion of a big gathering. And I especially don’t enjoy the social expectations. I like conversations with a small group of friends. Sometimes I feel like I am holding him back from having fun and that there’s something wrong with me. Doesn’t everyone love a good party?

– Loner

Dear Party Animal – Not,

Only one issue? You are one lucky lady. The Almighty made all different types of people with different character traits. Some are extroverted and some are introverted. Neither quality is morally superior to the other. They are just different aspects of who we are. And we can not be who we aren’t. You and your husband were probably attracted to each other because you each wanted a little of what you lacked, a little of what your partner has. So enjoy it. If your husband had wanted a party girl, he would have married one.

You can each engage in separate activities on occasion where the desires of your natures clash. And, like all other areas of marriage, you may also be required to compromise. You may have to accompany him to some large social gatherings. He may stay home with you and a small group of friends, or maybe just you! You can both learn and grow from each other and from your separate and different experiences. The key is not to judge each other – or yourself. Like I said, neither quality is superior (although sometimes society places more value on the extrovert). This is the way the Almighty made you – and He doesn’t make mistakes.

– Emuna
.
.
Dear Emuna,

We are constantly opening our home to guests. And both my husband and I love it. I don’t mind the effort because I enjoy the experience. Sometimes our guests are friends and sometimes they are strangers. I don’t expect them to help me cook or set the table of even bring a gift (although I happen to think it’s good character and says something about their mother if they don’t). But there is one thing that bothers me.

My husband always clears the table (with my children’s help) and sometimes the guests just sit there while he does. He doesn’t complain but it really bothers me. Any tips on dealing with this?

– (Mostly) Happy Hostess

Dear Hostess,

If your husband’s example doesn’t spur them to get up and clear, it’s hard to imagine anything will, other than perhaps a direct request. It requires a particular obtuseness and self-centeredness to sit idly by, not lifting a finger, as your host clears the table. That is an ingrained bad character trait that you are most likely not going to change. If you want to continue to have guests, you need to make peace with it. I do confess that if the guests are outright rude, this may be their first – and only – invitation. I personally do expect participation in the conversation when people come for a meal (otherwise I feel like a waitress for “party of two at the end of the table”) but maybe some of them are actually more introverted like the writer in question #2 and I am judging unfavorably! You need to be solely a giver – with no expectations of anything in return. It’s the only way to do any type of kindness. And I guess it is just possible that if they watch often enough, you will slowly make an impact – perhaps on their choice of mate anyway.

– Emuna
.
.
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
.
…..item 2)… aish.com … HOME CURRENT ISSUES Q&A FOR TEENS …

Q&A for Teens: Bach & the Shouting Match
Help! My family makes me explode with anger.
.
…………………………………………

img code photo … Bach & the Shouting Match .. Q&A for Teens

media.aish.com/images/QATeenBachShouting230x150-E.jpg

………………………………………….
.

February 10, 2012 / 17 Shevat 5772
by Lauren Roth

www.aish.com/ci/teen/QA_for_Teens_Bach__the_Shouting_Matc…

Dear Lauren,

I’m tired of my family. They’re always fighting and shouting at each other, especially at me. They’re always criticizing me, yelling at me for any stupid thing and making a big deal out of nothing, until they get the best of me and I shout at them in return, no matter how hard I try not to. What bothers me most is that when they finally make me explode, they always tell me: "Why do you yell at your family?" and they make me feel really bad. They’re the ones that make me explode. They don’t get that I try really hard to keep calm, but with their shouts, insults, and attitude it’s almost impossible. Please give me some advice!

What’s your favorite piece of classical music? (No, “Oops!…I Did It Again” does not qualify as classical music—and neither does “Born in the USA” or even “Sweet Child O’Mine!”) The classical pieces I love best are the Brandenburg Concertos by Johann Sebastian Bach. If you’ve never heard them, do yourself a favor and listen to them (especially No. 5). They’re absolutely divine! (And I bet many of you agree.)

Would you believe they were rejected by the Governor of Brandenburg? Bach composed the pieces and sent them to said governor, querying whether he would like to hire Bach to create music for him on an ongoing basis. In a “Don’t call us, we’ll call you” move, Bach never heard back from the governor. Good thing he kept a copy of the Brandenburg Concertos! The full score was left, unused, in the governor’s library until his death in 1734, when it was sold for what today would be !

My point is this: many great things aren’t recognized, ever, for their greatness. And many great things are only recognized much, much later. Your family might unfairly criticize you. They might yell at you when yelling isn’t called for. Your job is to do the right thing, no matter whether you receive approval from those around you or not.

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So your family criticizes, yells, and hurls insults. I’m sorry for you that you have to deal with the unpleasantness of antagonism. I feel for you because of the pain that must cause you. However, their bad behavior and your reaction to their behavior should be two different entities. I know how hard it is to stand strong in the face of disapproval, but, like Bach, your job in your family circle (your job as a person in this world) is to try your own personal hardest to do what you believe is right, no matter what those around you are doing, and no matter whether you receive accolades from them or emotional rotten tomatoes.

When I talk with children of any age (from age 10 to age 70) who are not getting the approval and positive attention from their parents and other family members that they crave, I try to empower them with the following idea: YOU are the one talking to me, ergo YOU are the one noticing the incorrectness of your family’s behavior, and YOU are the one seeking a better way. Therefore, YOU can absolutely be the one to turn the family dynamic around.

It doesn’t matter that you’re the child and the instigators are the parents; anyone can change the negative cycle of criticism and fighting to a peaceful cycle of giving, sharing, and caring. All it takes is one strong person to have enough self-awareness to pull himself or herself out of the mélange of antagonism, keep his or her head above water, stay calm, and say, respectfully and lovingly, “This is really hurting my feelings. Let’s all be kinder to one another. Can we please talk, instead of yelling?”

It only takes one strong, courageous person with a vision of serenity and peace to change a family dynamic.

The first time you say that, expect the others to yell some expletives, make fun of you, tell you you’re the most unkind of all of them, tell you your “better than thou” attitude is really annoying, or all of the above. But if you consistently stay calm and loving and respectful and refuse to be pulled into the swirling angry maelstrom of emotions, your calming presence can eventually bring the tension levels down and can quiet the inflammatory responses.

It only takes one strong, courageous person with a vision of serenity and peace to change a family dynamic. I’ve seen it happen many times.

I have a good idea: get a copy of Bach’s Brandenburg Concertos. When you feel stressed out and frazzled and horribly angry at your family, go to a calm place and listen to that music. Take many deep breaths. Get yourself centered and calm. Then focus on your goal. Your goal is to do the right thing, no matter what anyone around you is pushing you towards. Think about the fact that this uplifting music was totally rejected, and what an incorrect assessment of the music that was. Realize that your family can make mistakes. They can yell and insult and criticize, but it doesn’t have to push your buttons because you can choose to be better than that. Get yourself calm so you can have a calm discussion with them instead of a shouting match.

I have a favorite quote from Victor Frankl, the founder of a branch of psychology called Logotherapy, and a concentration camp survivor: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” In that space between stimulus and response lies our humanity. In that space between stimulus and response lies our personal spiritual journey that God put us here on Earth for.

You can be the one in your family to change the tune.
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Luncheon, commonly abbreviated to lunch, is a midday meal.
family meals

Image by Yarden Sachs
Family denotes a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity or co-residence.

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